Jack_Lecter (the_shadower) wrote,
Jack_Lecter
the_shadower

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'Checking In'


Feel slightly depressed, and more unreal.  I am hoping that posting a new entry here will do something, either lift the depression or increase the unreality to the point where I can use it (somehow). 

I feel stuck or frozen, or also as though I were coming to the end of something.  This isn't how I'd wanted tonight to go.  I have come to the end of Cooper's autobiography and much enjoyed it; the mysticism of Twin Peaks presents one of the only credible alternatives to complete atheism, and one that is much in line with my own experiences.

I have two old 20mg Cymbalta left that I found while cleaning my room and I am considering using one of them now to augment my current dosage- however, their expiration date would have been awhile ago, and so the effects might be somewhat unpredictable.  It is certainly credible that they might make the current situation worse- although I feel that if it was much worse it would likely be easier to deal with.  Is currently sublime enough so as to be difficult to shake by traditional means.

I would like to see if I could get 'Venom' to come, though the last time I saw him he was not kind to me.  It has not escaped my attention that as regards his exact nature I am bereft of credible conceptualizations- my most realistic definitions conceal all that they do not explain through the vast overuse of the term 'archetype', which I regard as itself somewhat ambiguous and unexplained.  It is possible that 'Venom' is a blanket term used for any encompassing, pseudo-psychotic state, although I can't help thinking there is a greater continuity to these episodes than that would imply.  Also, 'psychotic', except when used in the very loosest sense, implies some sort of distancing from reality, which I have only ever experienced once during one of these states, during the isolated incident five years ago.

This is by now boring me, and the effort required to clearly relate while maintaining even a scintilla of eloquence is tiring
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