Jack_Lecter (the_shadower) wrote,

  • Mood:

Worn down

Plagued with ennui today.  There are many things which should give me pleasure, but at the moment I can't seem to enjoy them.

I should be writing.  I should create something, but I lack the emotional energy.  I should rest and get it back, but I have too much physical energy.

My mind is disposed to organize something, but I can take no pleasure in it.  I need to find some way to rest, but as I cannot enjoy myself, it's hard to know what to do.

There is a temptation to go and do unpleasant things, so I won't have to do them instead of being happy, later.  But I've been doing that, and it still wears me down.  Perhaps adding to this journal will help.  I can only hope.

Existentialism washes over me.  I need to stop reading Camus.  I need to stop thinking this way.  I ought to loose myself in some pleasure, any pleasure, but I can't stop weighing the joy and watching myself, and hoping I'll feel something more.  I'm so desperate to be consumed with feeling that I can't actually feel very much at all.
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